Disappointment and loss – who hasn’t experienced it? My guess is anyone reading this post has had a hope, dream, or heart crushed. Jesus said life will be filled with trouble, but He’s overcome the world so we can take heart. We know this, but it doesn’t mean the disappointments and losses don’t hurt.

Disappointment and Loss Level One: The Fig Trees Have No Blossom

Habakkuk 3:17-18 is a go-to passage when I’m experiencing disappointment. It’s poetic and tells of loss in a vivid, visual way. But, it also offers encouragement, because despite every terrible thing that can happen to us, if we have Jesus, we have hope.

I’m a writer, and writing sometimes feels masochistic. You want acceptance and recognition, but instead you get criticism and rejection. Habakkuk 3:17 starts out “Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines.” The figs and grapes are my hopes and dreams that didn’t come true. I’ve had many fig-less and grape-less moments. One occurred this past week.

Over the last two years, I’ve entered several writing contests, which for me is very uncomfortable. I enter because I want feedback about my writing, but that feedback can hurt at times. You can feel the sting of criticism and the agony of losing all at the same time. It’s not for the faint of heart. But, in March of this year I entered my third contest. The first one was deflating and offered little helpful feedback. I felt like a failure. The second, I lost, but the feedback was encouraging and that’s why I entered contest number three.

I didn’t expect to make it past the first round. But much to my surprise I was selected as a semi-finalist. I walked around on cloud nine for several days. Writing is the one thing in my life that gives me great joy. It’s hard and frustrating, but there’s nothing more fulfilling than to create stories. I’d had no expectations, but now I had hope. Maybe this was the start of something bigger.

Disappointment and Loss Level Two: The Olive Crop Fails

As the deadline to announce the finalists approached, I started to sense I wouldn’t advance. I’m a selfish person, who wants to win, and I couldn’t see how God could be okay with that attitude. I want to be less competitive and for my writing to be for the glory of God. But, I also want recognition, and maybe I want it too much. I still hoped He’d do the unthinkable and let me advance, but I started to prepare for disappointment and part of the preparation was to camp on Habakkuk 3:17-18.

The fig tree didn’t blossom and there were no grapes on the vine. In fact, the olive crop had failed and for now the fields were empty. When I got the news I hadn’t advanced, my heart felt the loss. I cried as the feeling of failure permeated me. To have a book published is my dream, and though I’d given this story my best effort, I had failed to convince the judges I had a story worth telling.

After a few days of wallowing, I began to think more positively once again. I focused on the key point of my writing, which is to tell the story of how awesome and beautiful God is. It’s got to be about Him, and not about me, and my story is about His grace. It’s hard to receive the news you didn’t measure up. But the thing that soothed my hurting heart was a feeling deep within that God needed the other ladies’ stories told sooner. Maybe one day, He’ll want mine told too.

Disappointment and Loss Level Three: The Flocks Die in the Field

This portion of verse 17 makes me think of the hopes and dreams that are unquestionably dead. My life has several monuments in it that mark the loss of great hopes and dreams. The flocks and the cattle are the things gone forever. Those things that broke my heart and left a lasting wound.

I don’t know what will happen with my novel. Right now, the proposal is sitting in a to-be-read pile with an agent I want very much to be my agent. If I were now a finalist, I’d be more confident, but losing makes me focus on failing again. And, this failure will be the dead flocks in the field kind of loss.

Yet, I will Rejoice!

If Habakkuk had stopped with verse 17, we could all walk away despondent and hopeless, but thankfully, verse 18 follows. Even if the worst happens, I still have Jesus. I have salvation. I have a hope of a future where hopes and dreams don’t die. A place where the thing I’ve longed for all my life will be a reality. Eternity with Jesus.

Maybe in heaven Jesus will set aside some time for me. Maybe he’ll hand me a book and tell me how He’s been waiting for me to read it to Him. And maybe when I open the first page, I’ll see the first line of my novel, finally published by the One who gave me the story to write.

“…though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines;
even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren;
even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty;
yet, I will rejoice in the Lord! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation.”
Habakkuk 3:17-18 NLT

Do you have a go-to verse when things look their bleakest?

You’ll find more information about my writing journey on my blog.